"No Vemo Mano"  / WIll De Jesus (Brother)
As I sat there on that Tuesday afternoon and ventured into my mind and through the blackened rubble once described as your memories, I explore searching for a reason or a rhyme, many what-ifs and constant why's, but all the time the only thing I find is this rightful wrongdoing, my brother in law is dead, but his daughter ain't do it so my must she suffer, why must we suffer this pain and anguish it seems we cant vanquish got me down bout this life full of drama full of strife but I can't give up, or like he used t say "Cabesa pa Arriba" so I got my head and you can't knock that, got a new daughter that I would give ANYTHING for, wait, his life? Not that. I stand here and ask time and time again but these response-less question just build up, im restless, past due on sleep and I need a direction. So I look up and all that comes to my mouth is "ITS YOUR FAULT" but how he would say �Dios aprieta pero no ahorca� so I stand here breathless from the battle against anger and disbelief, and I keep on fighting cus it's my only relief. Do you know what it feels like to keep trying but knowing that your never gonna get anywhere with it. Yeh I smile, yeh there's joy but thats all superficial all outside decoys. But fuck that, u know what fuck why, just why HIM. my life lost its meaning to me, wouldn�t mind drowning or slittin my arteries niggas is like chill but that shit don't bother me. Thoughts of meeting him in heaven faster ever present in my mind. But I know he's up there and if he were down here he'd be like "Tu ta loco" so I shake off that barbaric idea, but his presence what I need cus he's there in my dreams , in my arms got his seed, as I fall to one knee, comfort's what I heed. I go to the grave wit my sister, is he there does he miss her, wondering what he felt the last day he kissed her. Can you believe I'm the one that has to tell my neice what her dad used to look like. AND it kills me!! When there's no one you can really blame you blame yourself, that's why I torture myself every night I put myself through hell. All I think of is why didn't I save him, I shouldve called that day so I could've delayed him, all these different things I could've done keep re playin, but if he were here he would be saying "Olvidate, porque cuando e tu tiempo." So im just here waiting for my turn light the candle of my life and wait for the years to burn, it wasn"t till the day my neice was born that my heart finally went back to pre-torn. But until that day we meet again, the thoughts of u stay in my head, I'll tuck your daughter into her bed, the 25th I'll always dread, my blood that has turned to lead, will once again return to Red and remembering all the things you said. Only 1 comes to mind. "NO VEMO MANO" Close

Frozen in Grief  / Wanda Morillo (wife)
Grief freezes you in place; it freezes your emotions, and it can become so bad that you are trapped in a prison of your own making.

In the North when the first frost of the season comes, the lakes begin to ice over. At this point the ice can still be broken or thawed. But as the winter season progresses, layers of ice build up until the lake is so solid that even a truck can drive across it.

Over time, you can become frozen in layer after layer of grief if you do not deal with your emotions and your negative mental images as they come. You get all those images and pictures built up, and the ice can be thick. So whether you're frozen or whether you're stuck, the key to thawing things out is like how the spring comes. It comes when we turn the warmth of the sun, in this case God's Son, on those negative pictures.

For each negative emotion, each image that plays and replays itself in your mind, you must express it and let God's Son melt it with His love.

"He sends his word and melts them; he stirs up his breezes, and the waters flow" (Psalm 147:18).

Heavenly God, shine Your Sonlight on my thoughts and emotions today. Thaw this block of ice that imprisons me, and free me to move again. Amen. Close

Good grief  / Wanda Morillo (wife)
Good grief is accepting the fact that your loved one has died, accepting the sorrow and pain, and knowing there is more to come. Good grief is getting through the days, the months, and, eventually, through the years.

Grief takes time but you will find it gets better, and you must recognize that it is a period of transition to a brand-new kind of life for you.

Your life will never be the same again, but you will get through the grief. The grieving process is a transition into your new life.

"He will renew your life and sustain you in your old age" (Ruth 4:15).

Lord, I did not want a new life. I liked my old one just fine, but I understand that going back is not an option. Therefore, Lord, I will move forward. Teach me to seek You and embrace You and grow in this new life. Amen. Close

The Legacy  / Wanda Morillo (wife)
Saw this text and wanted to share:

When I die, give what is left of me to children.
If you need to cry, cry for your brothers walking beside you.
Put your arms around anyone and give them what you need to give me.
I want to leave you with something, something better than words or sounds.
Look for me in people I have known and loved.
And if you cannot live without me, then let me live on in your eyes, your mind and your acts of kindness.
You can love me most by letting hands touch hands and letting go of children that need to be free.
Love does not die, people do.
So when all that is left of me is love,
Give me away…..

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Moving Forward in Faith  / Wanda Morillo (wife)
In the Psalms you read of men crying out to God with endless questions.

"I cried out to God for help; I cried out to God to hear me. When I was in distress, I sought the Lord; at night I stretched out untiring hands and my soul refused to be comforted. I remembered you, O God, and I groaned; I mused, and my spirit grew faint. You kept my eyes from closing; I was too troubled to speak. . . .

"Will the Lord reject forever? Will he never show his favor again? Has his unfailing love vanished forever? Has his promise failed for all time? Has God forgotten to be merciful? Has he in anger withheld his compassion?" (Psalm 77:1-4, 7-9)

These questions move from cries of despair to cries of praise to God for His faithfulness. The psalmists knew God's faithfulness. They knew that God would not only hear their plea for help, but that He would also be faithful to answer them. They were open and willing to learn from their suffering and to move forward with His help.

"Then I thought, 'To this I will appeal: the years of the right hand of the Most High.' I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago. I will meditate on all your works and consider all your mighty deeds. Your ways, O God, are holy. What god is so great as our God? You are the God who performs miracles; you display your power among the peoples" (Psalm 77:10-14).

Go to God with your questions and your heart cries and to move forward from that point, discovering what God would have you do for Him.

Lord, I don't understand. I'm asking You and being very honest with You. Please answer according to Your will, but also, can You show me how I am to deal with this? What would You have me to learn? How would You have me to operate from this point on? Amen.
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What to Do With the Whys?  / Wanda Morillo (wife)
What do you do with the whys?  You have to lay them at the feet of Omniscience and, by faith, leave them there and say, 'If You want to show me why, God, fine. If not, I'm going to cling to who You are and what You promise.' When you're asking why, and you're in the dark, and you don't have any reasons, you are to cling to Him in hope. He is the God of all hope. The thing that you have to realize is you are here for a much larger purpose than you realize.

Hope in God, knowing that your questions may not be answered. Each day make a point to look beyond your situation to the all-knowing God of truth, who will not leave you nor fail you. Learn about His attributes and cling to them in hope. The path of life that you travel is different from what you expected, but He will guide you.

"I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them" (Isaiah 42:16).

Lord, I am truly in the dark, and it scares me. In my fear, I lash out wildly. Shine Your light in my heart. Lead me along this new path. Amen. Close

Questions Are Natural  / Wanda Morillo (wife)
It is natural to have questions when unwanted and unexpected loss comes into your life. The more traumatic the loss, the greater the questions.

We struggle with the question why. Why so early? Why so quickly? When you ask why, you are in essence validating your own humanness and realizing you are not in control.

Express your questions freely, but realize that you cannot control your life or anyone else's. The sovereign God is higher than all, and His ways are beyond comprehension.

"'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,' declares the Lord" (Isaiah 55:8).

Sovereign God, I have so many whys. I could go on and on, but nothing will change no matter how many times I ask. I do not understand this. I do not understand You. But I realize I am not meant to. You, O Lord, are high above all, and I must give my questions to You once and for all. Amen. Close

Forgive Everyone Involved  / Wanda Morillo (wife)
When someone close to you has taken his or her life, a natural tendency is to try and understand the reason for it and to place blame. Be cautious. Focusing on blame will only make you bitter. Bitterness will not resolve any issues, but will block your healing.

Yes, there are people we could blame. But the greater challenge to us as Christians was to rise up and say, "We forgive. We're not going to hold them accountable in any way, shape, or form."

We did whatever we had to do to align ourselves in a way that we could imagine the Lord Jesus Christ doing. When we were willing to do that, we released healing, and we released miracles.

Turn your thoughts to the things of God—His words, His attributes, His creation, His promises—and not to blame.

"But there is forgiveness with thee" (Psalm 130:4 kjv).

Lord, forgive me and open my heart to forgive others who are involved in this situation. Amen. Close

You are missed!  / Angel &. Betsy De Jesus (Cousin in Law )
You will always be missed, no matter how much time passes by no matter what life brings for everyone, you will always be in each of our HEARTS! We all know that LIFE didn't end for you the day you left us, it started when the lord asked you to go with him. It's almost 8 months now and we think about you all the time, not because you are not here with us but because they way you were with everyone. We love you. Wanda I know your doing good and so is Samantha, hope you guys come back down to Florida soon. Take care of yourselves.
Love Angel, Betsy, Matthew & Hailey Close

Grief Can Cause Family Conflicts  / Wanda Morillo (wife)
Grief puts an awful strain on families, often leading to family conflicts. Emotions are running high, and the last thing you want to deal with is further strife.

Understand that each person in the family is grieving in his or her own way, and before you make important family decisions, pray together for God's wisdom and guidance. Do not be afraid of ridicule or rejection from your family members for recommending prayer—prayer is powerful, and you are wise to suggest it.

"It is to a man's honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel" (Proverbs 20:3).

Savior God, I pray that everyone in my family can come to an agreement about what is best to do. Give each of us a peace and a feeling of confirmation that our decision is the right one. Amen. Close

poem / Wanda (wife)
Do believe I'll never leave you,
Always I'll be in your heart,
Don't forget my soul is near you,
And so we'll never be apart.
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Aug. 24th  / Wanda (wife)

A little more than 9 years ago today, you and I began our relationship.  I don't know what exactly made me attractive to you, but I can tell you what attracted me to you.  You had an "it" quality, that made people pay attention to you.  And I know you loved being the center of attention.  You were a good listener, and a good conversationalist.  You were funny, and always brought a smile to my face.  Your love of your family and especially of little ones was evident, and just made you more endearing.

I love you, baby....

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i need an angel.  / Wanda (wife)

I've run out of answers, I've run out of time
And I'm so confused that I'm losing my mind
It's gonna take a miracle to help me this time
I'm traveling a road that has not one sign

Help me, God, have mercy on me
Set my soul free and let the bell in my heart ring
This is my cry-this is my plea

I need an angel - I'm calling an angel
Send me an angel down

I'm carrying a load that's too heavy for me
Have nowhere to go so I'm down on my knees
I'm trying to see the forest, but there's this one tree
Can't understand why I'm sinking so deep

Something inside of me telling me the morning will come
Sometimes it's hard to face the truth so I run
God if you care at all please don't let me fall by the wayside
Please be my guide would you light my path
Take me-shape me-mold me-change me-teach me-fill me-save me

Searching for an open door (yes I am)
I'm sinking to rise no more
Something's going off it's course
But I know it's gotta be some kind of angel out there for me

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Aug. 2nd  / Wanda Morillo
Two years ago today we stood before our families and promised each other that we would be together for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish 'till death do us part.  I'm sure none of us believed death would part us so soon. 

One year ago today, we celebrated our one year anniversary, and I told you we were expecting a baby.  I remember so clearly the joy on your face when I told you that the baby you had wanted for so long was now 9 months away. 

I know you're with me today.  Even though my heart aches from missing you, my spirit is comforted with the wonderful memories we created together.  Even though I am left alone, I must forge on and make new memories with the precious daughter you left me.

Pablo, I love you today, tomorrow and always. Close

Missing you & loving you!  / Johanna Albarran (Friend (Cousin) )

Pablo, we miss you so much, it's still hard to believe you are not here.    Last night, i especially thought of you at the Mets game (Merengue night) you were always there.
Wanda, you are doing a wonderful job with Samantha.  We love you sooo very much. Johanna, Fern & Jaden

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My Condolences...  / Jacqueline Ralph (none)
Wanda, I don't know you or your husband, but my heart goes out to you & your daughter, I offer my deepest sympathy & condolences. May your daughter be the light that leads you each day & continues to give you strength.  Your daughter is absolutely beautiful, I'm sure your husband is smiling down on you both.... Close

Dreaming of you / Wanda Morillo (wife)

Late at night, when all the world is sleeping
I stay up and think of you
And I wish on a star that, somewhere you are
Thinking of me, too

'Cause I'm dreaming of you tonight
'Til tomorrow, I'll be holding you tight
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Than here in my room, dreaming about you and me

Wonder if you ever see me, and I
Wonder if you know I'm there
If you looked in my eyes, would you see what's inside?
Would you even care?

I just wanna hold you close;
But all I have are dreams of you

Ah, ah
(Corazón)
I can't stop dreaming of you
(No puedo dejar de pensar en ti)
I can't stop dreaming
(Cómo te necesito)
I can't stop dreaming of you
(Mi amor, cómo te extraño)

Late at night, when all the world is sleeping
I stay up and think of you

Now, I'm dreaming with you tonight
'Til tomorrow and for all of my life
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Than here in my room, dreaming with you endlessly

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SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS / BETSY RODRIGUEZ
SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS, WANDA, I FEEL YOUR PAIN.  I  JUST LOST MY HUSBAND TOO IN NOV., SO I CAN RELATE TO YOUR PAIN.  I WAS WITH HIM FOR 17 YRS AND I STILL MISS HIM DEARLY, AS WELL AS MY DAD THAT I LOST IN THE SAME YEAR.  SO U HANG ON AND BE STRONG.  I'M HERE ANY TIME U WANT TO TALK. OK SWEETHEART.  BE SAFE AND GOD BLESS YOU
                                                      BETSY Close

thoughts / Wanda Morillo (wife)
On May 19, 2001, you asked me to marry you.  While I miss you so much that my heart breaks, today, four years later, I am so happy that you chose me.  I am happy that you were in my life and loved me the way you did.  I love you... Close

pensamientos / Victor (one Way) (amigo hermano)
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